Martin Goodyer Blog

There�s only one way to play � and that�s to win

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0100

There are NO rewards for coming second

In the real world there is no second place, no merits for being runner-up and no plaudits for having at least made an attempt. If you don’t win you might as well have come in last. This is something that the new Generation Y don’t appear to understand.

You either get the girl or you don’t
You either win the contract or someone else does
You either win or you lose – there is no middle ground

Harsh but true. Brutally honest it may be, but important to recognise and respect non-the-less because it is the reality we all have to live with. It really doesn’t matter what political persuasion you happen to adopt, or what values you may personally hold; the reality of experience will affect us all the same.

The arrival of Generation Y has brought this into sharp relief. The generation that were born into the virtual reality of never having to win; they just hit the reset button and start over if they need to, or better still change the game so they’re guaranteed success. This generation don’t know what being competitive means or how to go about it unless it’s vicarious. Sure, they’ll scream for their football team and aim to compete for the highest game score. Yet when it comes to competing for real achievements in the real world, they haven’t got a clue. Cosseted by the cotton wool of ever increasing health and safety rulings, they no longer know what it feels like to be first to climb the tree in the schoolyard or to be first to score in a game of murder-ball. Their well meaning but deluded teachers steer them away from any competition for fear that anyone who doesn’t win may suffer hurt feelings. They have been starved of the experiences that would otherwise have served them well in later life. They now find themselves in a world that only recognises and rewards real success, and don’t know how to cope.

Generation Y Failure

They run crying to the HR manager when their boss dares to criticise them. They quit rather than perform to a ihigher standard and are happy to be supported by parents or the state instead. They look for the easy way to get whatever they want and believe that if it’s available for someone then it ought to be available for them. They queue for hours to get on TV talent shows without having made an effort to become a polished entertainer or they spend what cash they have on lottery tickets and cheap booze in an ongoing attempt to get what they want. If they want it they believe they should be able to have it, and have it now!

Lost souls

They are a generation of lost souls; rarely happy with where they are and constantly searching for something that’s better, without ever knowing what it really is. What they are looking for is that which has been denied to them; the concept of competition, risk and reward: The chance to sink or swim with real consequences; the heady euphoria of success and the despair of losing that drives a person on to try again and try harder. It’s been said that people aren’t naturally lazy; they just have impotent goals. Without the frisson of risk there can be no genuine pleasure in reward. There is nothing more potent than the sting of loss to push a person into raising their game. They will come back into play more focused and more ready to win than ever. To be motivated a person needs a potent motive for taking action and there is rarely anything more potent than strong emotion; and the emotion of wanting to win is one that is learned through experience. Take that experience away and you take away potency. Remove potency and you’re left with goals that will inevitably be impotent. Is it any wonder then that we have a Generation Y the way that they are. They didn’t create themselves, they are our creation. We made them like this through our misguided political dogma and overly protective attitude. Attitudes and approaches that now must change.

You probably learned to ride your bike by having a few grazed knees. You may have learned to swim after swallowing a few unwanted mouthfuls of nasty water. If you are successful in your career, you got that way by learning that there are times when you have to win. You may not be able to win all the time. That’s not at issue. But to be taught that winning isn’t important is a lie. It is. Without the desire to win you become a loser. A whining, whinging, complaining, irresponsible, selfish and unreliable loser; traits that are uncomfortably reminiscent of Generation Y. Traits that have led them into the binge drinking, drug dependent, no-win-no-fee easy-at-all-costs lifestyle that now needs to change.

Change first and be a winner

Those that change first will be the new winners. Paradoxically it’s true that those who accept responsibility for their actions, become accountable for their own success, and seek support to learn how to take risks will be those who reap all the rewards. Of course, they won’t be successful straight away. There is no golden stairway to the winning enclosure. They will surely take a few falls along the way and have to pick themselves up, dust themselves down and get back on their chosen path; but it’s only by having those experiences that they’ll gain the skills and attributes that are necessary to become winners. These are the keys to the locked doors of success. Earn them and the doors will open. Just expect to be given them and be prepared to wait forever in frustration.

The good news is that anyone with the desire to change can be coached to become a winner. I can’t always guarantee they’ll win at everything they attempt, but I can be certain that the act of genuinely and seriously trying to win will lead them closer to their goal.

To contact Martin and learn more about being coached to win click here

So...you want to be a coach?

Sun, 25 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0100

As more and more managers lose their jobs, there seems to be more and more people 'popping up' with offerings of coaching services. An MBA may have been hard won but it doesn't qualify a person to be a business coach, nor do years of experience managing people necessarily mean a person has any coaching skills to get the best out of them.

Essential Skills and Knowledge for Professional Coaches

In the grand scheme of things coaching is relatively new and is still developing ways in which to accurately communicate what it does and how it does it. Like any acquired skill a competent coach can make it appear effortless to an observer. A skilled chef coordinates a busy kitchen; holding in her head essential knowledge about ingredients, cooking methods, the science of food combinations and leadership skills to harness the best from her team. Yet can appear to orchestrate the production of a restaurant full of fabulous meals night after night as a matter of routine. So it is with a skilled and practiced coach. He or she will have spent years studying and gaining practical experience in the application of coaching models that are brought together in just the right quantities and with the correct timing to produce outstanding results. Unlike the chef however, the coaches recipe will always be unique; they will know which ingredients to bring to the table but it won’t be until the client participates too that the exact recipe for that particular individual comes to light.

Clearly, experience gained outside of coaching can be invaluable; particularly if that experience has been gained in management and leadership. However it is not enough to enable a person to become a coach, any more than eating at a restaurant qualifies a diner to become a chef.

The models that a successful coach will need to have learned, explored, experienced and understood will include at the very least, the following:

Coaching ‘Models’

Although variously described, you can pretty much distil coaching models down into half a dozen sub-headings. One is a mixture of ‘client led’ approaches that have developed in response to breakthroughs and insights over the past forty or so years. Another has come about through the adopting of theories about the way people act and react to the world around them, another from specific research into what makes people change what they do. Two have been adapted from existing psychological ‘approaches’ and only one was specifically developed as a genuine coaching model. The others however are just a valid as coaching models even though they didn’t come about in that way.

Client Led

The first Client Led model includes something called the ‘inner-game’, the ‘grow’ model and ‘co-active’ coaching. Simply put, the inner-game recognises that all people have a dialogue going on inside their heads; and that to create effective change that internal dialogue must be aligned with conscious goals if conflict is to be avoided. The ‘grow’ model is a simple methodology tool; a route map for coaches to follow that puts the client in charge of their own destiny but allows the coach to help them get there. It’s an acronym for establishing a ‘goal’, recognising ‘reality’, exploring ‘options’ and establishing ‘willingness’ to act. Finally co-active coaching is a relationship positioning approach; it puts the client firmly in the driving seat with the coach as a facilitator to draw from the client everything they might need to change.

Theoretical Approach

The second model derived from a theoretical approach is called ‘integral’ coaching. It’s very useful as it provides an overarching framework from which to look at any coaching issue. Often described as the ‘Wilber’ model it suggests that any issue can be looked at as a matrix of four quartiles: Imagine a horizontal axis detailing a person’s perspective; that being either ‘internal’ or ‘external’. The vertical axis then suggests either an ‘individual’ or ‘collective’ understanding of the world. This provides a coach with a way to prompt the client to think about an issue by exploring the four quadrants: (Top left) their internal perspective and personal understanding of what’s going on. (Top right) the way other people perceive them and what others people might understand is going on. (Bottom left) The way their ‘group’ perceives things and the collective understanding from that group as to what it all means. Then finally (bottom right) is the way the world might perceive and understand the situation (by using existing labels or concepts).

Specific Research

The third model flows from specific research and is the NLP or multi-modal model. This is based on the principles of unconscious processing of information and communication. It suggests that the client will be influenced by events in ways that are not necessarily intuitive, and it suggests coaching tools like ‘appreciative enquiry’ (drawing from the client without influence), ‘clean language’ and ‘metaphor’ (influencing without agenda) and ‘meta-models’ of unconscious processing of information. By establishing the client’s goal a coach can use this model to help change behaviour by combining conscious and unconscious activity.

Borrowed from Psychology

The fourth and fifth models both have applications outside of coaching and come from the world of psychology. Fourth is the model of ‘positive psychology’; it focuses on beliefs, values and needs in the search for ultimate happiness. The fifth model of ‘behavioural coaching’ draws from extensive psychological work in conditioning and adapting of behaviour as a science.

Designed as a Coaching Model

The sixth model is that of ‘ontological coaching’. Specifically developed as a coaching model this is as much a philosophy as a practical tool. It uses slightly different language to the other models and begins from principles rather than behaviour. It focuses on the clients ‘way of being’ and pulls together the triad of language, emotion and physiology. It suggests that the combination of what a person says, feels and does becomes ‘who’ they are. Hence only by exploring those and any ‘breakdowns’ within them can a person reach their goals.

An effective coach will be skilled and practiced in all of these models and will integrate them to create the best ‘recipe’ for each and every client.

Martin Goodyer is an ILM accredited coach trainer and coach expert on the CPD for Coaches development programme. To enquire about cost effective ways to develop your own coaching skills or train to be a coach click here

A Big Society needs Big Smiles

Fri, 23 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0100

Earlier this week wrote about the benefits of having a 'Glee' attitude. Here's a clip from my interview on the BBC local radio show this morning talking about just that...

Time for a little �Glee� in our �Big Society�?

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0100

Can a positive attitude help your business as well as society at large?

I can’t help images of ‘cheeky-cheery chappies offering up a stiff British upper lip in the face of adversity’ coming to mind when I think of what a society with a positive attitude might look like. That’s about as ludicrous an idea as it’s possible to have. Just because the propaganda fuelled black and white movies of 1940’s war-torn Britain depicts life as being like that doesn’t mean it actually was. The records show that there were crimes just like there are now; and although the movies might tell a different story it’s a safe bet that there were as many negative and miserable people about then as today.

“We didn’t ‘av nuffink back then and ‘ad to pull tugever”

...is a slightly romanticised view of a society forced to face a reality of shortages and make-do. Thank goodness that the only war we face at home today is that of fighting back the weedy tendrils of debt threatening to take over our Eden-like garden of existence. We don’t have bombs falling out of the sky, our young men are not shipped off unwillingly to fight for Queen and Country and we don’t have the uncertainty of possible subjugation hanging over us. Instead we have a temporary threat to our cushy way of life. As a result we may get asked to put some effort into something without having an immediate reward. Shock horror! We may have our leaders extolling us to get involved in things to make our own lives better rather than rely on other people to do it for us. We may even have to face the prospect of some work being done for free that might once (in those far off borrowing-cash-without-a-conscious days) have been paid-for labour.

The 'Glee' Factor of Hope

We may not have the reality of cheeky-chappies but there is something else we do already have… The ‘Glee’ factor of hope! Call it delusion, call it enthusiasm, call it whatever you will; but the reality is that there are thousands of people all over the country already putting in huge amounts of their own efforts into an activity that’s likely to give them no more reward than the experience of being a part of something. This weekend my tiny corner of civilisation will see two examples of this positive attitude turning into achievement. On Saturday night a girl from Coventry will apparently be featured in a show offering opportunity for people to fulfil their dreams of performing on the big stage, and on Sunday a group of singers and dancers will compete live for a place in the final on the UK’s newest talent-search show. These people aren’t getting paid for what they do. They also know that the chances of them being able to turn their experience into a career is pretty remote; but that doesn’t stop them working all hours and putting in huge effort to simply be the best they can be at what they enjoy doing. Many of them even pay themselves for the opportunity to take part. Sure, they love the attention, the make-up and the applause but so what. If that’s the reward they get for bringing some sunshine into an otherwise dull day then let’s give them that applause! Here’s the thing. We don’t see the Unions up in arms because these amateurs are possibly putting professional entertainers out of work. We don’t have complaints about human rights of workers being put under threat because unpaid volunteers are muscling on their territory, and we don’t hear the cries of the jobs-worth’s telling us that it shouldn’t be allowed because of lack of training and “’elf and safety”. We just see it for what it is; people putting their efforts into something that benefits them by taking part and us by being able to watch them. The question we need to ask is what's the difference between that and other activities that are also win-win for those taking part and those benefiting?

Why not call in?

I’ll be talking about this on BBC radio this week (Friday 23^rd at just after 9am for about half an hour) and asking just what we can learn from this in other parts of society. Is there any reason why people with other talents shouldn’t get their version of ‘applause’ for doing things they are passionate about? If a neighbourhood wants to organise it’s own improvement groups, why shouldn’t it? If there is enthusiasm out there to be tapped then why should we not tap it? I applaud any initiative that’s sensible and pragmatic. When the Prime Minister says ‘Let’s get rid of the barriers that stop people making things better’ then maybe for once we should take it at face value. Who cares if it’s a political statement? Not me for sure. As long as it’s acted on then that’s fine by me.

Ditch your own red tape and set Glee Free

The same must be true in our businesses. If we don’t encourage the removal of red-tape and let people get on with things then we’ll just end up with a ball of tightly wound tape and no business. I urge larger companies with excessively bureaucratic HR policies to take a long hard look at what they are achieving. If people are shielded from the reality of their actions by heavy handed policy then review the policy! I coached a client recently who decided her best options for the future were to move organisations simply because the one she was with would not allow her to deal appropriately with poorly performing team members. They knew they were poor, their team mates knew they were poor, even HR knew they were poor but the policies were such that they weren’t quite poor enough for anything to be done about it. Circumstances like this demonstrate that attempts to be ‘fair’ in every situation end up being decidedly unfair. Being positive and progressive requires energy and enthusiasm. That energy and enthusiasm will only be released if you allow it to happen. Our political leaders appear to be trying, so let’s hope our business and public sector organisation leaders try it too. A little ‘Glee’ culture won’t do anyone any harm. Keep positive, stay focused on improvements and…’Don’t Stop Believing’!

To pre-order the new book by Martin Goodyer 'One-Q: How to stop wasting business opportunities and start generating more' register here

Why do we become irrationally scared?

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0100

Rewire your brain where necessary!

Procrastination is one thing. We can deal with that rationally by better planning and time effectiveness techniques, but what about when things become irrational? Is there a reason for it and can anything be done?

The answer is yes and yes. Yes there is a reason, and yes there’s something that can be done. Rather than pick on a particular business related problem I’ve used the common ‘fear of flying’ as an example of when rational argument loses in the face of irrational fear. However the same exercise can be used for any similar problem where a ‘thinking pattern’ needs to be changed.

Fixing a fear of flying

Firstly you should recognise that there's a good reason why soaring through the air in a machine makes us slightly wary: Any time you put yourself at risk it's quite natural (and indeed healthy) to be stimulated to pay attention to any potential danger. Your brain is hard-wired to bring potentially dangerous environments to your attention; that’s how our species have survived for so long. That normally manifests itself as an emotion to stir the senses and make you do whatever is necessary to save yourself. If you were about to fall from the top of a building it would make your heart beat faster allowing your blood to pump more oxygen to your brain and your muscles, so you could both think more quickly and have the strength to hold on!

A slight wariness is OK

So having a slight wariness when it comes to flying is a good thing. It will make you pay attention to the aircrew when they show you the nearest exit or listen out for where the life jackets are stowed on that particular aircraft. What you don’t want however is a debilitating and irrational fear that prevents you from doing something which is, in reality, reasonably safe. When fear of flying prevents you from taking an airplane and you prefer to travel cross country by car (which is in fact statistically more dangerous), then you have a problem that needs fixing. It’s a problem caused by the natural and normal hard wiring getting confused. The links between possible danger and your response to it have been over emphasized and that’s what is causing the excessive emotional response. The answer is to re-wire the brain; and it’s not as difficult as it might sound.

The brain makes up patterns

The human brain learns by recognizing and storing patterns; connections form between brain cells that become strengthened over time. Imagine a jungle thick with overgrown vegetation. Then picture how it might look if a temporary path were made through it. That path would be easy to follow as long as you followed it before the leaves and plants had a chance to grow back into the places where they have been disturbed. The same is true with your brain. Learn or experience one thing and it’s like making a temporary path through the undergrowth. Follow that same route and you’ll make it clearer. Keep on traversing the path and it will become a proper roadway. Do it for long enough and the road will turn into a mental motorway. The reason why an irrational fear has been formed is that a normal scary thought made it’s way across that mental jungle. Normally that would be Ok because after a short while everything grows back to normal and it’s as if it never happened. But for some people, for a number of reasons (most of which are unique to them) they go over that pathway again and again and again. What’s fascinating is that they need not do this consciously. Their unconscious can be the culprit; running that journey over and over until the temporary pathway becomes a mental motorway of irrational flying fears. The first the person knows about it is when they get faced with going on a journey: their palms get sweaty, they may start to shake, the might feel nauseous and they most definitely do NOT want to fly.

Replace the old pattern with a new one

To fix this a new mental path must be formed that replaces the old one. The natural wariness of potential danger must be left in tact and the unnatural mental pathway overtaken in favour of another. This can be done on your own but I’d recommend the help of a skilled practitioner to help facilitate it with you (not because it’s in any way dangerous, but simply as it makes it easier). Here’s what you do in ten easy to follow steps: Just a word of caution. If you are going to do this exercise, do it somewhere quiet where you won’t be disturbed and not while you’re driving an articulated lorry down the fast lane of a highway (or anything remotely similar or dangerous).

Firstly, go back to the first time you can remember being scared of flying. You need not be concerned with reasons why; just remember when it was and what happened.

Secondly recognise and acknowledge the fact that you survived the experience. If you didn’t then that would be a first. Exercises like this are not normally undertaken from beyond the grave.

Thirdly; imagine yourself being able to see your memory of that event on a big TV screen (like at a stadium or a cinema), and that you are able to control what goes on the screen (just as you do with your own DVD player)

Fourthly; picture yourself watching that big screen from a front row seat and see a still image of yourself at the end of the scary episode (after you knew you’d survived). Make it a big image that fills the screen.

The fifth step is pretend you are in that seat watching the screen and that you are somehow able to float up out of your body. You float up to the control room in the stadium or cinema where you can access the images on the screen. Imagine this control room to be made of glass that you simply float into, but that when you are in there keeps you separate and ‘protected’ from anything outside.

The sixth step is most peoples favourite. Here you get to review your own movie (the memory of that scary event) from a whole new perspective. From the safety and security of your control booth you’ll see it all from a different angle and notice things that you perhaps have never spotted or recalled before.

The seventh step is to run the movie from start to finish (in real time) watching it from the control room and noticing how you looked from this angle, but most importantly asking yourself what else there is to learn from seeing it happen this way. (Some people notice how silly they looked, or how everyone else was having a great time but them, or how the turbulence made everyone else just as scared as they were. It doesn’t matter what else you learn, just that you DO learn something new). When the movie ends, hold that final still image in place again as before.

Step number eight is to play with the movie like some deranged editor on a mission to turn a horror show into a comedy feature. You start by running the movie from start to finish again with a slightly increased speed, looking for things that could be amusing. You rewind the movie to the start and run it again this time substituting real images for cartoons or exaggerated images, and add hilarious sound effects and music. Then you rewind and run again and again, each time making the movie funnier and funnier until you are genuinely laughing out loud and having fun. When your sure it couldn’t be any funnier you move to step number nine.

Nine is to float back out of the control room and back down into your body (that you left watching the movie in the front row of the cinema or stadium). Imagine how you’d feel if you had really been sitting their laughing out loud at all the antics that’d been on the screen. One the screen should be the still image at the end of the movie.

The final step number ten is to imagine walking onto the stage and stepping into the picture, bringing with you all you’ve experienced and know about your strengths and capabilities. Then imagine yourself as part of that movie but this time with all the knowledge you possess today. Rewind the movie back to the start and play it again but with you in it and notice just how differently you feel this time compared to back then. When the movie ends, step out of the picture, turn around for a moment and let the picture fade to white, disappearing for the last time. The take a deep breath and come back to reality.

New patterns and pathways are created

If you’ve done the exercise with honesty and enthusiasm you will have created a new pathway in your brain: One that will compete with the old irrational fear. When you think about flying your brain now has a choice of two alternative paths to follow, and because it’s no longer a foregone conclusion about how you should feel, it raises the issue with your consciousness and gives you back control. You may not end up ‘loving’ flying but you won’t have an irrational fear any more; just a wary cautiousness that’s entirely positive, healthy and natural.

The exercise above is featured in my soon-to-be-released book ‘IQ; How to stop wasting business opportunities and start generating more’ To pre-register for your copy just email me at martin@martingoodyer.com

What�s confidence anyway?

Tue, 13 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0100

Beat economic uncertainty - get a steady job!

Economic uncertainty means that you either need to batten down your expenditure to a sustainable level with what you have (and ride the storm), or you get yourself a regular income that will cover your necessary outgoings. In times of boom it’s not quite so important to be secure but in times of trouble any lack of security could spell trouble: Deep trouble.

3 Paychecks away from disaster?

They say in the States you’re only ever three paychecks away from being on the street. I wouldn’t be surprised if that were so just about anywhere now. One bad roll of the dice and the life you’ve become accustomed to could change dramatically. The margin for personal error has been made smaller as loans become less available, self-certification mortgages start to disappear and credit card companies get tighter about how much they’ll risk. People that have grown up expecting to be able to borrow their way out of trouble may soon have nowhere to turn and no one to bail them out.

If you are an entrepreneur then you’ll see potential profit in every situation. You’re probably not reading this because you’re off already trying to do some deal or other. But if you’re not of that ilk; if you are a regular person simply trying to do the best they can with what they have then this applies to you. If you are one of the millions of people who’ve been living beyond their effective means then this definitely applies to you!

When in doubt...

So if you find yourself in a precarious position do two things:

1 Get your personal situation sorted so that you can survive the worst of times with the smallest amount of money coming in.

2 Get yourself a steady job that’ll provide you with the means to both ride out the tough times and from which you can rebuild

Confidence = Trust

Being confident that you’ll be OK is nothing more than trusting yourself to handle the situation. Confidence is just another word for trust. No one lacks confidence, they just find themselves at times being unable or unwilling to trust themselves in certain situations; they then label this as a lack of confidence. It’s not; it’s a lack of trust. When we hear people say that the markets lack confidence, think about what they really mean; ‘we don’t trust the markets to grow and make us money’. When people say they lack confidence in themselves; all they are really saying is ‘I don’t trust myself to do this’.

I’d like you to help you get a job by having more confidence than you might have had; in other words, to find a way to trust yourself to be the right person they’re looking to hire. That’s why I’ve made available an MP3 version of an audio product called ‘Confident Interviews’. This has been used by thousands of people to help them get into the right frame of mind before going to an interview. The hard copy version retails for around ten pounds a copy but I’d like you to have a download version at a fraction of that price because the better you feel going into an interview the better you’re likely to feel coming out!

Jobs are not for life any more. In fact careers are not for life any more. The chances are you will have a number of jobs and even a number of careers in your lifetime. So getting really good at interviews had better be a high priority if you want to get the most out of life.

‘Confident Interviews…in less than 30 minutes’ provides you with a structure to overcome fears and get the job you want by having the confidence you need to perform at your best in a job interview.

Get your copy NOW for just £1.79 for an instant download at www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr

If you don�t value yourself then no-one else will

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0100

Save £10 by reading this blog!

Unless you live in a cave (or the 21^st century computerised equivalent) then you have to know how to communicate well in person. Having a nice website or brochure is one thing, but it’s the way you present yourself when you’re face to face that seals the deal. If you want them to hire you or buy from you then you have to talk a good story and then be able to deliver it.

There are lots of people who CAN deliver brilliantly if they’re given the opportunity

…but aren’t able to talk the story well enough to get that chance. They may have terrific expertise but if they can’t get that over then it won’t count for anything. The trouble with most people is that they don’t value what they know enough to make it of value to other people. They think that because what they know feels like ‘old hat’ to them, then it must feel that way to other people too. That’s just not so. In fact, the more comfortable a person is with their knowledge, the more easily they are able to communicate it and make it of value to someone else.

The trick to is make what’s ‘Old Hat’ feel as fresh and new to you as it does to the people who are about to hear it

When you talk about something with passion and enthusiasm it speaks volumes about your trustworthiness. That’s why I wrote my first ever book about that way back in 2002. It’s called (predictably enough) ‘From Old Hat to Crowning Glory’. It’s a guide for any presenter that helps them develop their own unique approach to a subject which might otherwise feel like a well trodden path. There are of course some people who do the opposite; they over-value the ‘expertise’ they think they have. These however are easily spotted because they don’t have the sincerity and passion that comes with truly knowing your subject. I recall being ‘sold’ an investment once by a young man who presented himself as a financial guru. I was young, inexperienced and gullible. Fortunately it was only a small investment and it did reasonably well, but it turned out that only month before his presentation to me, the young man in question had earned his living as a tree surgeon. The extent of his ‘expertise’ was a two-week company training course and a weeks experience in the field.

I never bought from him again. He didn’t become my broker; and it wasn’t because he might not have done a good job but it was because he was incongruent, and hence gave the impression of being untrustworthy. That’s the exact opposite of what I’m suggesting you do.

Come across as trustworthy

When you turn your knowledge and experience into a compelling narrative that’s unique to you, then trusting you becomes easier. You appear more authentic and real; because you are! It doesn’t matter whether you fancy your chances as a professional motivational speaker out there on the big stage, or if you just want to convince an interviewer that you’re the right person for the job; the one thing you absolutely MUST be able to do is present your knowledge and expertise in a way that’s appealing, interesting and engaging.

There are half a dozen approaches that you might want to think about before getting onto your feet:

How would the best person in the world on this topic go about presenting it?

Think about who you have met or seen that you admire who would be sure to do a brilliant job at what you’re about to attempt; and then try to model (copy, emulate or otherwise pick the best bits from) and practice doing it that way yourself.

If I were them and listening to me, what would I want to see and hear?

Put yourself in the shoes of your audience and look at things from their point of view. Purposely try NOT to take things personally but instead to concentrate on thinking as if you were them. Then make sure that what you are about to say fits with what you think they want.

What do I know they know already that they can agree with?

Everybody needs to feel comfortable so give them something to feel comfortable about. Reflect what you know they already agree with and then enhance it rather than trying to educate them from scratch with new information.

What do they absolutely NEED to hear?

As well as feeling comfortable they all need to be stimulated by you, feel connected with you and feel good about having made the choice to listen to you. So plan what you say to feed these emotional needs almost above all else.

What’s obvious to me but really needs to be spelled out?

Never assume anything and never take for granted that other people will take something as read just because it’s so obvious and basic to you; it may not be to them.

How can I plan what I say so they keep on listening?

There are tricks and devices used in presenting. Professional presenters know about many of them already, but if you don’t have to speak in front of people often then they’ll be new to you. So take some time to get acquainted with systems and approaches that keep you in control of your audience.

My book “From Old Hat to Crowning Glory” can be purchased on Amazon for £14.95 but if you’d like a copy directly from me then I’m happy to reward you with a £10 discount for being so kind as to make it all the way to the end of today’s blog!

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How to avoid getting 'turned-over'

Thu, 08 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0100

Trust in God if you like, but make everyone else sign a contract!

There are hundreds of mistakes people make when running a business. Some may cause irritation, others might create big problems and a few can be really critical. One such fundamental error is that of assuming another human being is trustworthy. Because when it comes to business they are not.

I won’t bore you with the sound (and proven) psychology that underpins the reasoning behind that last statement; and I won’t ask you to trust me that it exists (it’s easy to find if you know how to ‘Google’). However I will share with you some of the key cues and clues, that if you learn to listen for them will warn you that you could be setting yourself up for a fall:

If your potential business associate displays one or more of these characteristics then BEWARE!

Here are my ten chart toppers that tell you their potentially untrustworthy:

#10

He or she will consistently talk about him or herself

You’ll notice that if the conversation starts to move away from that then they will lose interest, change the subject or in some other way make it all about them.

#9

He or she will often appear to agree with something too quickly

You’ll notice that they will do what it takes to get what they want but then will try and backtrack at some stage in the future

#8

He or she puts a ‘spin’ on everything

You’ll notice that they will often place a peculiar emphasis on events or information; sometimes using only the elements of a story that suit their purpose

#7

He or she reinterprets events after consultation

You’ll notice that the outcome of a conversation you’ve had with them might be subtly altered (or changed completely) after they have consulted with other people, or had time to think about it – you might find yourself wondering if they are talking about the same event you were a part of

#6

He or she exaggerates, over-emphasises (or simply lies!)

You’ll notice that in conversations (especially when they have forgotten you might know the truth) they will present information to others in a less than forthright and honest manner

#5

He or she gets frustrated with details

You’ll notice that they are less comfortable getting into the specifics of an issue and may become overbearing or bullying if pushed to produce them

#4

He or she talks a good story

You’ll notice that the way in which they presented themselves and their credentials may not quite be all that they seem; often their assertions about their own capabilities are misleading

#3

He or she has an inflated sense of self-importance

You’ll notice that they hold themselves in such high regard that certain activities might be considered beneath them; they may be disparaging about other people in a way that (in reality) is completely incongruous with their own situation

#2

He or she always wants to be right

You’ll notice that they always have to find someone or something to blame even if something is clearly their own responsibility

#1

He or she stirs something in your gut that makes you uneasy

You’ll notice that your intuition kicks in when some part of your awareness has triggered a warning; listen to yourself and heed that warning as it’s rarely (if ever) wrong

So if any of these clues show up you know what to do; either re-think your plans or at the very least tie down your involvement to a legally binding and enforceable contract that removes any need to trust at all!

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How to get out of 'Overwhelm'

Tue, 06 Jul 2010 00:00:00 +0100

See more of life with 4-D

As cheesy as it sounds, using terms that sound like something we recognise in order for something to stick in our memory, actually works. 4-D in this instance has nothing to do with dimensions, physics or movie theatres, but instead refers to a simple tool for keeping out of ‘overwhelm’. Overwhelm is probably responsible for more disruption in business than almost anything else; it’s the problem that gets us ‘stuck’ or immobilised when we really need to be at our most dynamic – it’s easy to end up having so much to do that you can end up doing nothing. What starts off as simply ‘putting something off’ can progress into a major worry; a problem that begins by being a minor issue can end up as sleepless nights and interrupted days.

Overwhelm can mean different things to different people

...but it’s absolutely CERTAIN that it will effect everyone at some time and it manifests as ‘Stress’. Everyone gets stressed from time to time, that's just part of the human condition, but there's healthy and unhealthy stress. Healthy stress is a form of creative tension; it puts us under pressure and forces us to come up with new solutions and approaches that are good; like when you get a problem that's nagging away at you. You know there HAS to be a solution but you just can't quite put your finger on it, yet. It's the ‘yet’ that makes it healthy stress; there's an underlying acceptance that there WILL be a solution at some point and that YOU are going to find a way to get to it. That kind of stress is exhilarating and definitely healthy. But then there's the kind of stress that DOESN'T have the underpinning belief that an answer may be found; the kind that nags away and causes problems. That kind of negative stress (which is often caused exclusively by overwhelm) leads to other things in life suffering. People eat too much, they get caught up in the negative overwhelm and stop seeing friends; they don't plan to do it, but socializing just never happens any more; their home life might suffer; they start not only becoming ineffective at work but ineffective at home too, they become irritable with their loved ones, maybe even a little distant and wrapped up in their own problems.

Stress and Emotion

When someone recognises that they’re allowing stress to cause these kinds of problems they experience even more emotion. It's such a personal thing that they tend not to talk about how they are feeling, they're much more likely to let off steam about whatever issue appears to be the cause of their overwhelm - I say 'appear' of course because it's not the 'issue' that's actually causing the problem but the way that issue is being interpreted. Everyone will experience different emotions but they will all be caused by the same fundamental problem; an innate inability to process too many issues demanding our time simultaneously.

This problem is NOT caused by the severity, importance or gravity of the issues at hand. It doesn’t matter if you are running a business, managing a department or a specialist just in charge of yourself; when it comes down to it you are as human as the next person. Being human and living in today’s world means that at some time you are going to experience overwhelm. It’s as simple as this; the human brain can only deal with a limited number of issues at any one time; psychologists have suggested that seven plus or minus two depending on the complexity of the issues involved are all that any person can hold in their awareness at one time. Any more than that and when you try to force the memory and you’ll start to experience overwhelm. The brain is just not geared up to cope with more than that. The brain acts like a computer being tasked with too many jobs at once and do the human equivalent of freezing. If you keep on pushing more information into it, it can end up with a complete crash.

Think of a Shopping List

A good example of how this works is to think of a shopping list. Most of us if we forget our list can remember around seven items; it then gets a bit hazy and the shopping trolley starts to fill with things we notice on the shelves rather than just what we went in for. Our daily work life does the same thing. When more ‘stuff’ starts requiring our attention than we’ve got the capacity to hold comfortably in our heads, then we do the work equivalent of going for whatever is on the shelf in front of us. We get distracted, sidetracked, drawn off course; and not for any other reason that we’ve unknowingly dropped into overwhelm. It’s not the complexity, but the number of different items we are trying to deal with at once. If we reduce the immediate issues by dropping them into main categories and subheadings (by getting more organized with our thinking) then the ‘overwhelm’ can be kept at bay. By simply having a few ‘subheadings’ to remember rather than specific items, and under each one of those subheadings had six or seven items to recall, we can bump up our capacity to shop effectively by six or seven hundred percent. The human condition allows for a much more potential but we have to know HOW to use it. We are not limited by our capabilities but by the way use them. It doesn’t matter if we are talking about a shopping list or dealing with the running of a complex business, the same rules apply.

Top 10 Clues

To help quickly identify if ‘Overwhelm’ is an issue check the behaviour of the person you are concerned about against the following ‘Top Ten’ list of clues to being in overwhelm:

At number ten; they make promises they don’t keep.

At nine; they get more emotional than the situation demands.

At eight; they develop a blame culture.

At seven; they make excuses and say it’s not their fault.

At six; they become a human March Hare racing around chasing their tails.

At five; they ignore the obvious and have to look for something new.

At four; they get bogged down and demoralized.

At three; they are easily distracted.

At two; they become snappy and irritable and finally

At number one; they get defensive about…everything!

The 4-D approach

Diarise – get things allocated to a specific time and date

Delegate – get things handed over appropriately to other people to complete

Defer – get things ‘parked’ for the future when time allows

Dump – get things off your lists that are a distraction

To address the overwhelm and bring a person back into balance you must first reduce the number of issues they have to consciously deal with, or help them achieve that same end. This simply means getting more organized and disciplined about dealing with problems. They must be given a hierarchy of importance and then grouped within that hierarchy. Typically this means both allocating issues under topic headings (perhaps under each area of business, department or a particular person, then grouping issues by scheduling them for a specific action (diarising), allocating them for someone else to deal with (delegating), listing them for more distant future action (deferring) or dropping the issue altogether (dumping).

Avoid the following:

‘To Do’ lists: These normally list far more than seven items for a person’s immediate attention. Even the act of trying to prioritize a long daily list has the effect of pushing a person into some form of overwhelm (even if it might be relatively mild). ‘To-Do’ lists become irrelevant if the 4-D approach is followed; (Diarise, Delegate, Defer or Dump) as all the items in the list will either be transferred to a specific time and date in a diary, a specific page for deferred items, to someone else’s diary or dropped altogether.

Choosing one priority and sticking with it at the expense of all else: This does not have the effect of reducing overwhelm as the other items have not been removed from the immediate consciousness; a person will therefore continue to worry and fret about the non-priority items and manifest symptoms of overwhelm.

Simply trying harder: Overwhelm is a human condition brought on by the innate inability to cope with multiple tasks simultaneously (beyond that already discussed). Therefore any attempt to force a person to try harder will inevitably result in increased stress and decreased efficiency.

When Tragedy Strikes

Thu, 03 Jun 2010 00:00:00 +0100

The stuff of nightmares

We can only guess what might have gone on in the mind of taxi driver turned spree-killer Derrick Bird. None of us will ever really know what made a seemingly mild mannered middle aged man turn his shotgun on complete strangers and shoot them dead. The shock felt when such unexpected and unpleasant events occur isn’t limited to those directly involved. While the memory is fresh in our minds there some who can’t help wondering if the driver of their cab could turn into a Derrick Bird, or look furtively over their shoulder when trimming their hedge at the strangers driving by. The uncertainty engendered by tragedy has tendrils that stretch and spread over the everyday life of the otherwise unaffected. For a while many people will find themselves feeling unbalanced and edgy; some may find it hard to concentrate or even become more emotional than normal.

Horrible events

Horrible events like this force us to confront the effects of stress and demonstrate just how vulnerable we are to an attack on the mind. Because of the nightmarish nature of the shootings it feels reasonable to accept that it’s Ok to be affected by something that hasn’t actually had anything to do with you at all. Yet when it comes to more mundane fears (like losing your business, home, partner or the ability to feed your children) then it’s somehow not OK.

An economic recession may not be as dramatic or shocking as a murderous killing spree, but it does bring with it fears and worries that may be as deep and powerfully held. These fears can then manifest as stress symptoms in the same way as those we are now watching out for because of the shootings. The trouble is, there’s no counselling available for economic emotional trauma.

Notice how the news treats this

Notice that the blanket news coverage of the events in Cumbria are all about giving certainty; speculation as to motives; reassurance about police control; comfort about the strength of community and available support for all involved. This is a good thing. It will help restore the balance of between the perception of over-stimulation and control. In turn that will help calm things down so that all but those directly impacted can comfortably get on with their daily lives.

Notice however that the news coverage of economic tragedy is almost the polar opposite. It sows seeds of additional doubt and further uncertainty. It focuses on the reasons why we can’t be sure about the future and the possible negative consequences for all of us. It’s all about gloom and doom! There would be (quite rightly) an outcry if the shootings had been dealt with in this way; ‘watch out your mild mannered neighbour could be about to kill you…’ headlines would be considered insensitive and unhelpful. They would prolong the damaging stress reaction. It clearly would not be a good thing.

Emotional support?

So, economic tragedies abound, there is no recognised emotional support to deal with them and the news coverage of those events sets out to make you feel a whole lot worse. Is it any wonder then that business owners may be experiencing a tough time?

If that sounds like you then cut yourself some slack. If you were finding things tough because of worries about the shooting (maybe finding it hard to sleep, concentrate etc) then you’d probably seek some kind of help or support. So if you are experiencing similar symptoms that have been brought on by the more mundane (but often also tragic) economic difficulties then think about treating it in a similar way. Your GP may not be able to help but there are plenty of people who can. The first step is to recognise you need some help; finding it will be easier than you think.